I rubbed the lamp 

And here are my three wishes, two that others have mentioned -- CSS in NewsRiver and RSS feeds containing more than one day's worth of posts -- and a new one, blog comments.

OK, Marty 

I'll head over to the wishlist. I gotta tell you, a small change took place in my understanding of online community when I saw your post teasingly demanding that I should participate in Tom's new Ning Thing.

I really like you guys, and I love the promise of the OPML editor and format, or I wouldn't spend so much time here. Marty compliments me and Les by singling us out as influencers in this little band, and I like that a lot; I get something out of it. Dave links to me all the time and I get an ego boost from that, because he's famous but also because I respect his opinion about what's noteworthy, interesting, funny or silly.

Even though I enjoy the role, I'll end up tiring of it. I've founded a lot of online communities, the most lasting ones being a discussion site about Jane Austen and one for procrastinating dissertation wrtiters: the Republic of Pemberley and PhinisheD dating from 1996 and 1997. Plus, I even moderated BBS forum discussions as far back as 1990 -- an old, old hand at this business of groups relating online.

The funny thing is I didn't predict the same pattern of overdosing involvement and slow pulling away would persist in my participation here because I'm just another hanger-on, I didn't start this place. I'm not responsible if the server goes offline or the software doesn't work, so I didn't imagine there would be anything like a burden.

Now I think I understand how the disenchantment starts. It's when people start expecting things of you as a volunteer, even if you're not responsible for the whole shebang. Dave has a great attitude about this and I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate it. He told me a few weeks ago that if I didn't do another thing on the 1.0 site, he'd consider my draft design a big contribution. He's got the secret of being a shepherd of volunteers: you're pleased with whatever they're able to do. Plus, you try to learn what they're getting out of the bargain, and help give them more of that, if you can.

Marty, I'm so sorry if I've made you feel at all uncomfortable by opening up about my reaction to your comment. You couldn't have known it's close to the bone.

Anyway. I'm still in for helping building the public 1.0 release site, and I sure don't see me getting out of the habit of compulsively checking the changes page anytime soon, but I think I'm a little smarter tonight.

All that said? I'm especially funny about stuff like this. 

In other words, I'm owning the hangup, it's mine.

Let me tell you about a totally inappropriate reaction of mine once about expectations. Occasionally I'll volunteer to do kid school chaperone duties, although I think a bus trip from Chicago to Chattanooga two years ago with a high school band may have closed the book on that chapter of my life. Whew!

Ten years ago my youngest was in first grade -- he's the one who is organizing the virility festival. I said I'd go along to the Indianapolis Zoo and help keep track of the little buggers. There were lots of moms on the trip, so I only had to be responsible for my Aaron and one other kid, who treated me like an effing servant. He was only six, but the attitude infuriated me. So, I did all the outward things I needed to do, like not let him out of my sight and I bought him the same food and souvenirs I got for my own kid, but I know he knew I didn't like being there -- it was really obvious. I've always regretted why I had to be so small about it.