Robert Prather's blog: Sunday, June 04, 2006

Sunday, June 04, 2006

6/4/06; 10:55:04 PM by RP

Click it. (Picture by Kelly Stern http://kellystern.blogspot.com)

Sunday, April 30, 2006

4/30/06; 9:41:47 AM by RP

Ok, I'm back...

No, really... I'm going to try to blog regularly... can you believe it!? ;-) Maybe you won't... I haven't been very dependable lately...

Also, I think I need a domain name for this blog, but I'm not sure what it should be... I already have a blog at robertprather.com that I occaisionally update. Anyways...

Podcasts I've been enjoying:

Ragan Fox (who hopefully is going to be podcasting more often now that he is Dr. Fox)

Occaisionally I can stand the Gillmor Gang.

Distorted View

Dr. Fran's Mental Health Missives

4/30/06; 9:30:19 AM by RP

Lazy blogger returns. I come to you in the middle of a cleaning binge (obviously this is an avoidance tactic).

I can't believe it's been so long since I've blogged! Ahh!

So here are the updates:

1. I'm definitly moving to Florida this summer and I think I'm pretty excited about it.

2. I'm working on a couple projects online (secret projects! ;-))

3. I'm listening to plenty of podcasts...

4. Wanda Wisdom is getting paid! wooo!

I've gotta finish cleaning before my family arrives... ugh...

Is George Bush still president??? Seriously??!!

By the way, thanks for the mention on The Krebs Cast. Oh, and I did use the code "Madge3" at Godaddy.com to buy that... ;-) (thanks, Madge!)

Monday, March 13, 2006

Let's try this again... - 3/13/06; 12:34:06 AM by RP

Bitching is easy...

I started to compose a post bitching about a lack of interesting content and a prevalence of terrible, boring, irrelevant content out there on the internet (you know... podcasts, blogs and vlogs)...

I decided that such a post is not productive.

So... I'm going to try to come up with something I can DO that will help (as opposed to just bitching about it)... I have a real fear of starting something and sucking at it, so while it might seem easy... "Just do a [podcast/vlog]!"... i need to actually plot out what I might do that's fresh, interesting, and relevant... It's got to be well-done!

So, through my usual haze of fatigue and nonmotivation... what shall I do?

Ugh... I must be psychotic.

In other news...

It's looking more and more likely that I'm probably going to move to Florida in the next couple months. I'm not sure how I feel about it... I'd like to move somewhere with more gay people and I'm not sure Gainesville is that place. If anyone out there is reading this and knows anything about Gainesville, Florida, please email me.

I mean, fucking Exodus International the brainwashing, evil, "ex-gay ministry" is based in Orlando! That's 2 hours from where I'll be living!!! This scares me for some reason.

I'm telling myself that it'll be better than Kentucky there, but I'm not so sure...

I must have an anxiety disorder... :-)

So... my sister has recently become engaged...

...and while I'd like to be happy for her, I'm struggling to pretend to my mom and family and everything. The other day, my mom emailed me and said, "You seemed sort of out of it the other day. Are you doing OK?"

Fuck no I'm not doing ok!

Maybe I'm closing my mom off in a box and assuming that she couldn't understand what I'm going through. I need to stop these assumptions and give her the opportunity to respond to my thoughts and feelings... I guess...

I frequently feel unsatisfied by my blog posts...

I think that there's so much more in my mind that I'm not talking about for a variety of reasons.

Actually, what I'm describing here is pervasive into most of my life. I generally feel that I'm on the edge of doing or saying meaningful things. It's interesting how we get so hung-up on producing meaningful, relevant ideas. I guess that is a better way to value yourself (you know... as opposed to the my-job-is-my-life mentality).

Rambling...

Confession time! (I've been writing this entry for 40 minutes now...)

I will now divulge some private facts:

1. Lately I've been very lonely.

2. I seriously harbor a humanistic philosophies (although that may not be obvious at times...).

3. I don't know what I'm going to do when I grow up (I'm 25 years old now).

4. Almost every day I just want to get in my car and drive far, far away from everything and everyone.

That's all for now!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

It's not just them... - 3/12/06; 5:10:26 AM by RP

So... I was watching Brad's most recent entry over at willingwarrior.com and decided to go investigating "Ex-gay" ministries.

This is the part of the blog where I need to admit something to you... The "Ex-gay" ministries scare the shit out of me. Seriously. I'm not scared because I think that eventually they'll find a way into my head and convert me too. That's just not going to happen. What scares me is the whole mood/atmosphere around all of it. When you go to the websites, they're really quite creepy!

Everywhere you look, there are smiling "ex-gays" and their family members. Look how happy these people are to be "free from homosexuality". AHHH! It's beyond disgusting! They're painting this picture that gay people are unhappy because they are gay when the reality is that forces like Exodus International (and the churches that align themselves with such efforts) are so oppressive and instill such deep fears in christian gay/lesbian/bi/trans people! I know! I lived it!

As you can probably see, I'm angry. I realized that I was angry while I was reading about a "Freedom Conference" that's being hosted relatively near where I live (actually in Northern Indiana).

And then I stopped and thought "If my reaction wasn't anger, it would be concern." What concerns me?? Here's what:

In many areas of the US (and probably the world) gay people don't feel welcome in the churches and communities they grew up in.

Some of them leave and make a different life for themselves in more accepting areas and religions/spiritualities. Some of them either can't or don't want to get out... They don't know if they are gay or should live life as a gay person or should even talk to their friends or family about it.

I think that the "gay community" is failing these people, the people who don't just exit to "greener pasteurs", the people who are most vulnerable to the efforts of "ex-gay" ministries.

How are we failing them? I'm not completely sure, actually... But here are a couple of my thoughts on it:

Firstly, we are too occupied with petty and stupid stuff like Academy Awards and movie stars. It's too easy to take the USA drug, brain death by culture. Why can't more culture/media be mentally stimulating?

Secondly, why would the "gay community", if there actually is one, appeal to gay/lesbian/bi/trans christians? How would they feel welcomed into a community that appears so sharply in opposition to what they are used to? I won't even get started on gay pride celebrations...

And lastly, it's almost ingrained in our thoughts as gay people (or at least some of us) that religion is stupid, especially christianity. That's our own brand of intolerance.

Do we fight intolerance with intolerance? Sounds hypocritical to me.

I'm very guilty of hating on christianity... and I can't really see myself going back to it... but I need to be more accepting of it and have a more open mind about the possibility that apparently not all christians are stupid bigots, racists, and homophobes. :-)

This blog post is just the beginning of my thoughts on this subject... It's 5am... I need to sleep.

thanks!

Jesus Fucking Christ... 3/12/06; 4:03:10 AM by RP

I'm sick of Theocracy. Need I say more? Read this: LINK

P.S.: By the way... I'm doing much better now after my March 7th blog entry, I had a talk with my boss and it went well. Thanks to Fran and Katie (you're both wonderful!) for being supportive. :-)

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Anxiety & Self-Worth - 3/7/06; 8:16:10 PM by RP

Me looking very happy...

I spent a number of hours today worrying that I was going to get fired. Let's just say that there was a fuck-up of semi-enormous proportions and the blame could fall on me (although it is really shared accross three or four people).

It's times like this that I learn the value of meditation and physical exercise. When I thought that I might have an anxiety attack today, I just walked right out of the building I work in and took a stroll around campus - a nice 30-minute walk. It really helped to get my thoughts together and to settle me down.

A little while later I was freaking out again and decided it was time a little meditation. I chanted a mantra in my head for the meditation: "I am a valuable person."

It's sad, but I feel that if I'm not successful at my job/career, I'm less valuable as a person. Sometimes it's hard to separate yourself from your accomplishments... The reality is that if I did fail miserably, I'd probably still be the same person...

There are just certain stressors that pop into my head... "What will I do!?" "I can't move back in with my parents!" "What about my cat?"

At the end of the day, my boss said "Shit happens. It's fixed now." And I'm not sure I'm comforted by that. I still feel a tinge of failure and loserdom lingering in the back of my mind. Ugh...

Sunday, March 05, 2006

BREAKING NEWS: Gays and Lesbians Now Only Permitted To Adopt Aborted Fetuses (and even that's in danger...) - 3/5/06; 1:58:45 PM by RP

But seriously... I was listening to the wonderful Wanda Wisdom yesterday. She was talking about the forthcoming gay marriage and gay adoption battles (listen to her show here). It's really discouraging and has me somewhat enraged. (Actually, I listened to her show at least twice so I'd get even more enraged - I'm crazy like that.)

I just listened to the NPR show she mentioned in her podcast (listen here). Now I know what she means by hiding bigotry with smiles. There's one person who is an especially sugar-coated bigot... I won't mention her name or link to her website because I'm too angry with her... Actually, I'll put the email I sent NPR's Talk of the Nation right here (it might help if listened to the show from the link above, but whatever):

First, I want to thank NPR for starting a conversation on the topic of gays and lesbians adopting children (this is in response to the March 2, 2006 Talk of the Nation: States Weigh Ban on Adoption by Gay Parents). This is immensely important for both children and parents (and potential parents).

My initial reactions are disappointment, discouragement... even a certain amount of anger.

It seems that Charmaine Yoest and others like her want a perfect world. Using the term "optimal conditions" is pretty problematic... How many children are raised in "optimal conditions"? Isn't there a continuum between "optimal" and "terrible"? Would a gay couple or a gay individual not fall somewhere on that continuum (just as many straight couples probably do... it's ridiculous to think that all straight, married couples would be optimal.), perhaps closer to "optimal"? Also, isn't having a parent better than not having a parent?

If Charmaine Yoest's statistic that only 2% of people in the US classify themselves as homosexual... 2% is 5,800,000 people! If even 1% of those decided to adopt, that's at least 58,000 adoptions! We're talking about tens of thousands of adoptions here. This shouldn't be a group that we just write off... "Oh, they're just 2% anyways... Cutting them off from adoption won't change much."

Obviously, there's a shortage of people currently adopting, and making that pool of people smaller because we want "optimal conditions" is ridiculous.

I think the man from Jacksonville, FL put it best: Adopted vs. Not being adopted - Not being adopted is awful! Is it not certain that less children will be adopted as a result of outlawing gay/lesbian adoptions? That is the problem I have with all of this.

Charmaine Yoest seems to want to have it both ways: She said something to the effect of "I'm not going to criticize what that [single gay] man is doing, but I think as a policy we need to work toward what is best for children." I think that once all children are being adopted, then we can start trying to make the situations more "optimal" for children... And I don't think a loving gay or lesbian individual or couple is worse than a straight couple or individual.

Thank you,

~Robert Prather

Ok, so you probably figured out that the sugar-coated bigot is Charmaine Yoest (actually I CC'd her on the email, so we'll see if she has any responses)... Google her ass if you want more info on her.

Blah... This shit pisses me off. I find it crazy how interconnected the world is... just a few days ago I posted this.

That's all for now.

Friday, March 03, 2006

V-Day - 3/3/06; 11:24:59 PM by RP

Visit www.vday.org for more info.

I went to a performance of the Vagina Monologues tonight at the local University. No, I'm not new to the Vagina Monologues... Every time I watch it, it's means something different, it's inspiring, it... moves me.

There must have been twenty or thrity women who performed it tonight and all of them did an unbelievable job (most of them are students).

That's all. It was wonderful! And... it raises money to help women fight violence against women.

Feed - 3/3/06; 11:18:15 PM by RP

A quick note...

By the way, I've fixed the feed for this site. It should update now, as I post. Feed Link.

Thanks. :-)

Last modified: Friday, October 31, 2008 at 9:24 PM.

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